Yesterday, while driving to my wife’s parent’s house for an early easter dinner, I saw a minivan with the license plate “VOTEGOP”. In addition, he had a bumper sticker for the “National Republican League” and another that read “W still the PRESIDENT.” The driver was about 50, wearing a boring suit and an American flag tie. My guess is that he was also wearing one of those stupid American flag lapel pins that you always see W wearing.
So, obviously all of these factors were aggravating my liberal sensibilities, so my wife wrote “Bush Sucks Ass” on a piece of paper and held it to the window when we drove by. I honked to get his attention. He looked. His face moved from glazed “I’m listening to right-wing talk radio” to “There’s a fucking liberal burning a flag in my front yard!!!!” Then he started shaking his fist at us uncontrollably and almost ran over the curb.
Awesome. Vote GOP!! I mean, why wouldn’t you? You’ve got old man McCain who confessed to an affair with a 25 year old socialite and is divorced, Giuliani who marched in a parade with his mistress and then announced his divorce during a press conference before telling his wife, and Newt Gingrich who has cheated on his multiple wives many times; once while running for congress on the slogan “Let our family represent your family” and again while spearheading the impeachment of Bill Clinton, and who divorced his first wife while she was in the hospital recovering from uterine cancer!
Ladies and gentlemen, these are YOUR family values candidates.