Oops! I crapped my pants! Or, "Why I threw away my favorite pair of shoes"

When I got home from work today, the worst thing happened to me. First a little backstory. There is a lady that lives upstairs from me who has a very annoying dog that barks, literally, all day long! So many people have complained about it that the apartment managers have threatened to evict her. So, her solution is to keep her dog in her car some of the time. Now the real story:

As I was getting out of my car, this woman asked me to help her open her car door. She was pulling on it and complaining that the doors on the passenger side just got keyed and now her driver’s side door wont open. So, I walked over and helped her open the door. When I opened it, I noticed poop on the seat that trailed down to several large piles of diarrhea on the pavement. I immediately thought that the dog had crapped in the car and that some fell out when I opened the door.

She then asked me to look at the key marks on the other side. I walked over with her and looking at the door, I noticed that there was poop all over the ground on this side too. This time I also looked at her feet and saw that they were covered in crap…crap that also ran up her leg (she was wearing a dress, so I could see it!).

I realized, then, that she had been crapping herself the whole time I was talking to her and helping her! I also noticed that not only had she crapped all over herself, but she had also crapped on MY SHOE!! The lady shit on my shoes!!!!!!!!!! Why does this happen to me? Of all people, I get crapped on by the crazy old lady upstairs!

So now, I am forced to throw away my favorite pair of shoes. SUCK! Below is a graphic recreation of the results of my adventure.

[Missing Photo]